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[ultramega10]

 An Alternate Eldest:

I've been pointing out ways to rewrite Eldest and the other books for quite some time now. However, at the end of the day, I basically concluded that the best approach would be a complete rewrite.

 

The original Eragon was not irredeemably bad. It flowed along fairly well. You could probably have mostly fixed the book by tightening up the pacing and overhauling a few of the chapters. It would never be anything special, but it had some halfway decent characters. Murtagh and Angela come to mind. 

And before anyone says anything, YES, Angela is like the worst character ever later on in the story. But during Eragon she had only two or three scenes. We didn't know much about her, and had she been developed in a better way, I think we would actually like her.

Meanwhile on the villains side, Galbatorix actually came across pretty well in Eragon. He had a pretty clever xanatos gambit which pitted his two primary enemies, the Varden and the Urgals, against one another. Even if he lost Durza, he weakened both his main enemies and lost almost nothing.

Logically then, Eldest could have been good. It could have even been the beginning of a great series. It ultimately fell flat because Paolini's ego skyrocketed. He didn't learn from any of his mistakes because he was sheltered. And he became incredibly pretentious during Eldest. The action slowed to a crawl and the story became increasingly, and needlessly complex.

So I thought we ought to get together and imagine how Eldest could have been good. We are not bound to keep anything that was introduced after Eragon. We'll just pretend as if Paolini wrote out Eldest over a few months, and his editor told him to rewrite it.

First off, I think we could still keep the basic outline of Eldest.

Eragon goes to train with the elves, fights a battle, and eventually has a climactic duel with Murtagh.

However, I have a couple of critical differences.

First off, Murtagh was a mole from the very beginning. It is revealed that Murtagh joined up with Eragon a way to find the Varden. This is why the urgals followed them there. Murtagh had a special amulet or something which let him keep them tracked.

The catch is that it was a memory gambit. Even Murtagh didn't know what he was doing. When his memories are revealed at a critical moment, Murtagh makes a plan. In this continuity he was always a dragon rider all along, and he dons his mask and makes an appearance.

When we first see Thorn and Murtagh fight, we don't know who they are. We, like Eragon, just see a new mysterious enemy who obliterates the company Murtagh was with. Eragon tries to attack the rider, but gets completely thrashed. However, he is saved by Arya and the rest of the Varden, who prevent Murtagh from taking him.

Eragon gets more authority thrust on him than he was ready for and has to make important choices. He is called on to mediate things as the dragon rider. There are two primary forces vying for control of the Varden. Nasuada, who is more popular with the Varden, and her cousin Fadawar, who is preferred by the nomads. Long story short, the Varden started as a sort of french foreign legion, before growing more powerful than was expected.

Fadawar doesn't much like Eragon, while Nasuada is very nice to him. Ultimately Eragon just gives all the authority to Nasuada, because he likes her and doesn't like Fadawar. Fadawar is furious about this, as are the Elders.

Eragon then goes to train with the elves. During this time he learns that Surda is thinking about seceding from the Empire. In this continuity Surda was a country that was annexed by Galbatorix after he rose to power. Now that a dragon rider is back in business they are confident. They end up writing to Nasuada to request support.

During this time Roran's subplot happens. Except instead of the entire village fleeing, Roran and Katrina are the only ones' who escape. Carvahall is taken by the ra'zac to be snacks. The plotline is generally the same, with the catch being that they hope to find the rider and get him to save their village from the ra'zac.

As it turns out, Nasuada volunteers Eragon to go help Surda before he has completed his training. This causes the revolt to take place ahead of schedule. Oromis is against it, and argues that Eragon is now immortal. So it would be safer for Eragon to remain in hiding and get a full understanding of magic and weaponry and stuff. After all, humans replace their losses quickly.

However, Eragon refuses to just leave them to die and goes to help them. In the coming battle Eragon fights valiantly and does much. It looks like he is going to turn the tide. Then Murtagh swoops in again, and utterly kicks his ass, again.

Why?

Because Murtagh deliberately let Eragon get worn down fighting mooks. So Eragon is, once again, utterly destroyed. Murtagh reveals himself and gives his motive rant, like in canon. Except in this case he genuinely despises elves, regards the Varden as terrorists, and is a genuine supporter of the Varden. He then asks Eragon just why it is Eragon is so convinced the Empire are the villains?

That said, we wouldn't be completely on his side because the Empire has actually done some bad stuff. Murtagh immobilizes Eragon with a spell, then goes to singlehandedly destroy the Surdan rebels. However, Roran arrives and helps free Eragon alongside Katrina and they manage an escape.

At the end of Eldest the bad guy wins. The Surdans are crushed. Murtagh is victorious, and Eragon is pretty darn broken. Roran manages to snap him out of it, and convinces him to help them save Carvahall from the ra'zac.

This nicely sets the stage for the Black Brick. Meanwhile the villains get a nice victory which establishes them as a legitimate threat.

What do you think?